Friday, September 28, 2012



Ladies and gentlemen of Planet Earth.

I haven't posted in, like, a year. Such is the way of the casual, no one reads me blogger - you either stop giving a shit after a while, or you just get caught up with more important stuff, or you just forget you have a blog. In my case, it was a combination of all three . But that's all irrelevant. What's relevant is that I tell you about Aetas.

Click the bolded thingy ^^^ in case it wasn't obvious enough.

In very few words, it's an animation fantasy movie I'm writing and animating, and co-directing with a bunch of friends, my girlfriend and... okay, I'm trying not to say there's less than ten of us. Working on a full-length animation feature. I know. Well, there's more than two of us. No, I'm not saying how many of us there really are. You might not wanna check it out when it's done. You might go "sheesh, how do I watch an animated movie only X people worked on? It's gotta suck". It might. But it's getting done, at least. How long will it take? I don't know. We live in hope of deliveraaanceeeee---

So, I could just repost things from our official Aetas blog here, but fuck it, I'm lazy. Please bookmark it in case you're interesting in yet another an independent animated movie made by a bunch of people who've never done anything of this scope before, and  have been blessed with an executive producer that lets them do whatever the fuck they want with the movie and are probably going to fail miserably, but bask in the glory of giving it a shot in the dark. It's like giving a kid a crayon, standing back and expecting the Sistine Chapel. Hey, you never know.

But alas, we wield the el dorado, the elusive power of not having to make it commercial just for the sake of selling it at some point, and there are no artistic barriers or imposed hollywood cliches.

So we're doing just that - Hollywood cliches. One after the other. Because we love them to death. Well, I do. But I can tell you this much: fuck a love story! No love story in my movie. Love stories are for sissies. Go be a sissy somewhere else. Ya sissie.

Also, to hell with localization, communism and vampires. This won't feel eastern european, or western european, am I making this abundantly clear? It's fantasy. Don't expect artistic shit. We're a bunch of generation X-ers with Deftones in our winamps and animes in our media players. You want grown-up stuff, go cry along to the ex-communist/miserable capitalism circle-jerk fest, it's re-enacted at Cannes every year.


There will be conspiracy. And mayhem. And some gore. And a lot of cats. We love cats. Big cats, small cats... Cats, man. It's all about cats.

Not just cats, though. Lots of animals. Well, humans that look like animals, okay? No, it's not a furry flick. Fuck them and their entitlement and the nerve of calling any antropomorphic character one of their own.

Okay, here's a short-ass teaser in case you're as lazy a bum as I am and couldn't be bothered to click the damned bolded thing.

Yes, movie will be in Romanian, probably with English subtitles initially.

No, it probably won't be as cheesy as the teaser is.

Oh, like you're such a smart ass and you could make a better teaser. We're in pre-production. This is all test stuff your're seeing. Oh, shut up already. Sissy.

Fuck you, go make your own movie.

In hindsight, maybe trying to plug this thing while having a real bad day wasn't the best idea I could've had, but I did have  to get it outta the way. Whew. There. Done. So give me a break, okay? And like us on Facebook, like the mindless Zuckerberg worshiping tool that you are. Ahem, that we all are.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Satisfied Fool

I wish I had more time (or disposition, rather) to tell you more about Karl Pilkington and how he became my favorite human on the planet lately - maybe another time (I'm sure I mentioned him on the blog before). Anyway, in honor of the second An Idiot Abroad series hitting hard, and having an absolute blast watching episode 1 yesterday night (I'll be putting a lot of distance in between them so they'll last longer), here's a little gem of a 20 min documentary Vimeo let me keep up for the time being, so enjoy it while it's here. A glimpse into the mind of the world's most loveable idiot savant - Karl Pilkington, Satisfied Fool.

Karl Pilkington - Satisfied Fool from Liviu B on Vimeo.

PS If you get the chance, read the man's books. Some people say it's absolute bollockery© , I say it's my favorite kind of philosophy. I want Larry David for my uncle and Karl for my best friend. Maybe next time, huh, God?

Monday, August 15, 2011

Nothin' Really Changes



I guess makin' stupid fanboy faces at Deftones gigs in Bucharest is one of the constants of my life. Thanks for the show, guys! See, that's why I ain't scared of turning 40 - Chino's 38 and I ain't seen one 20something to kick as much ass on stage. EVER.

PS conversation went:

Fanboy Li: You guys rocked! I loved the new album, it's amazing! You will come again, right?

Chino: Thanx, man, where you from? Your english is real good.

Fanboy Li: 200 miles away, came by train standing up the whole way!

Chino: Woah.

He said woah. HE SAID WOAH!!!

Transmission over.

Btw I'm turning 30 this winter ;)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

GOLD COBRA - Instant Messaging Review and Full Album

Yo yo yo, crackaz and honkeyz, what it iz and what it doez? This is where my main crackalacka Domestos and I instant message review Limp Bizkit's hot new album, GOLD COBRA, in real time, from the comfort of our chairs and sitting 3 m away from each other. We're lazy. And Dome's hatin', too. Just kidding, we were objective as possible, seen as we've been limpin' with the Bizkit for 13+ years now. It's a pretty important effort, since it sees LB and incredibly talented guitarist Wes Borland finally reunite after a long-ass hiatus. I wrote a bit more on mr. Borland here. We did this before with the latest Linkin Park album, you can read that right here. Also, for your listening and pirating pleasure, I've taken the time to attach the full length songs, too. Now don't go downloading them, just play them once, forget about this blog and buy the Gold Cobra.

Hopefully Ironic Kitsch Cover Art
by Wes Borland, LB guitarist and painter extraordinaire
Actually the dude's a very talented artist, check the post mentioned above, yo.

And here's the review. Fangs of the Gold Cobra, ENGAGE!



Li: here we go. ladies and gentlemen! for your reading pleasure, me and my coleague here will review gold cobra in real time!

Dome: wait, I have to tir the coffee

Li: tir away!

Dome: *stir actually

Li: so do I

Dome: 'cuz I like it stirred not shaken
. I am ready to take on the Gold Cobra

Li: So am I
. So!

Dome: but
first, a disclaimer

Li: a word from our sponsors

Dome: I'll keep it short.
I am not a huge fan. That should suffice

Li: I used to be a huge fan but I've noticeably lost weight lately
. Their first two albums rule the earth, I think you'll agree....And some great tracks on the others too.

Dome: well, not all songs on the first 2
, but don't like the rest

Li: for those not familiar with the subject, it's a return to form for bizkit
, as in the main mofo wes is back

Dome: with a new haircut and v neck t-shirts

Li: so what album do you have in your mp3 player now domestos?

Dome: ...and crazier makeup
. A shout out to my homiez @ foobar!

Li: actually
, just quote your latest 5 last fm artists.

Dome: yes

Li: i'm brimming with anticipation

Dome: so...

Li: I didnt mean actually quote them
. naming them will do

Li: jesus christ, this takes you a lot doesn't it! are you updating your firefox?

Dome: 5 most recent artists - Ol' Dirty Bastard, RATM, The Scuba Cult, Jakob, Rollins Band

Li: haha

Dome: You've seen mine, now show me yours

Li: I love how ODB crept up in there. Mine are Chevelle, 10 Years, A Perfect Circle, Bernard Herrman and
. I think that makes us even, I don't really like APC and you don't really like ODB.So without further ado, let's hit the 1st song!
Dome: yes

01. INTROBRA (listen to it here)

Dome: countdown

Li: 3...
2... 1...Play!

Dome: go
! ok


Dome: synthbass ! ...
a whining Fred !

Li: Freddie can't make it stop

Dome: uuu

Li: sounds like kitchen mixers starting up at the same time
. and somewehere in the background john otto is beating eggs.

Dome: and a few pillows

Li: fast approaching track 2

Dome: yeah, the anticipation is killing me.

02.BRING IT BACK (listen to it here)

Li: Deadly riff!

Dome: sounds like something off record nr 2!

Li: Wes is at it. Oh wtf!!!

Dome: wtf

Li: Lil jon up in here. HHHWHAT? OKAAAY!

Dome: wtf
! this ain't what I expected

Li: Sorta diggin it, though this southern hip hop shit never was my cup o'tea
. rhymes are pretty tight. oh YEAH

Dome: sounds like bubba sparxx ona heavy metal trip

Li: here it comes

Dome: tight

Li: 1:08
and it's kinda crazy already. guitar soundin a li'l more heavy metalish.

Dome: back to the southern hiphop
... yeah


Dome: MO' MIDS !!

Li: freddie, it aint 2012 yet. toasting guts like nuts on xmas! Already my favorite lyric

Dome: freddie you ain't timbaland

Li: not such a good start imo

Dome: the chorus is tight

Li: ok we're at track 3

03. GOLD COBRA (listen to it here)

Dome: yeah
. the title track

Li: so far so awesome

Dome: tight rhythm seck, as always

Li: well, we do know this mutha from the video, which btw rocks in case you haven't seen it yet, you twat! not you, domestos

Dome: yeah, but sounds better without the vid. the bass iz killin'! growls like a mofo

Li: thats just hating and doesnt necessarily reflect my views and opinions, or those of blogspot. and here's that kickazz chorus

Dome: hooray for hating diversity

Li: so far so mid paced

Dome: yeah

Dome: you can say 'shut the fuck up' just so many times, fred

Li: flush you turds down the drain! that's lyrical enlightenment right there

Dome: lyrical phrasing in the prechours sounds like rhcp

Li: and he rhymes think with bank, which just cleaned his sin slate clean

Dome: oook Fred...

Li: oh, you don't like this part, do ya?

Dome: ooh yeee -heeee

. listen WHAT i'm tellin you. goodbye prepositions. how old is freddie? 50?

Dome: the brigde vocals suck ass. yeah. imma give him a break

Li: man he still got that swag
. I hope i'll be rapping at 50! and it's on to the next one...

Dome: his rhymes be tight

Li: we heard a bit of this too a year ago

04. SHARK ATTACK (listen to it here)

Dome: but I think he should read more, though

Li: He's too busy directing

Dome: guitar !!!

Li: GJJJIIIN GJIIIIEEEN! Break stuff part two.

Dome: sorta

Li: he don't need a chump talkin that junk in pajamas!

Dome: up till now I really dislike the re-usage of phrases from the previous records, Fred. nice guitar work

Li: That's cool dude, it's meta
. i hope this aint the real chorus though...

Dome: I like Wes.
does he have a facebook page?

Dunno, we shd investigate. verse sounds a bit empty, maybe it's me. bad muthafucka..screw ya!

Dome: it sounds like typiczkit

Li: yeah. that's good, in a way, but the chorus is... how can I put it... simple.

Dome: yea
h. what is this?

Li: I think I mistook this track for something else freddie gave us a glimpse of a year ago. wtf! wtf!

Dome: who is this?

Li: hahahah... weird azz break!

Dome: is this FRed?

Li: but I kinda liked it
. It - was -old -skoool

Dome: sitll living where the donkey's at?

Li: wes sure was bored when he wrote the hook

Dome: I think I misheard

Li: alright, that wasn't great. on to track 5!

Dome: shut it down, Fred

05. GET A LIFE (listen to it here)

Dome: 05

Li: hippa to da hoppa. haha, my alias, polar bear? that rocks. i like it so far.

Dome: bass is rumbling, biotch

Li: yeah. nice guit stabs. how do you rhyme serious with siberia? haha... now he rhymed tank with think! freddie takin chances there

Dome: yea


Dome: thats' right Fred

Li: Best thing on the album yet


Li: fuck yeah

Dome: work for that dollar

Li: that's what i'm here for! limos make'm carsick

Dome: lemme feel some emotion, Fred

Li: just a crackalackin mofo! he lackin' crackers.

Dome: re-cycling lyrics is not sexy! aaaargh

Li: I wanna mosh to this so bad
! with a knife in each hand and a helmet.oh no!

Dome: It's like the chorus is almost alive
... what is this?

Li: don't whine on the bridgeeee
, nooo

Dome: well, it's better than the previous whining

Li: this is for toning down the kids in the pits
. nice scale, wes!

Dome: this part sounds like the apex theory. what is this?

Li: second weird azz rapped bridge. BRING IT AWWWN!

Dome: well, the chorus worked the first 2 times

Li: i just wanna smash my second monitor to this! (yeah bitch i'm rockin that dual shit)

Dome: third should've been sexier

Li: haha great outro. PRAVDA! oh man russian fans must be in heaven now

Dome: the devil wears pravda

Li: this sounds like a skit offa S.O. haha, yeah. alrightey, track 6!

Dome: ok, next

06. SHOTGUN (listen to it here)

Li: I have a gut feeling this ll rock.

Dome: guitars. bass.

Li: cuz, uh, we know this from before, too

Dome: ...drums
. yeah. good so far. well ...and then came fred.

Li: it's a fucking good song, i've spinned it a few times
. u a hater! listen to that verse theme

Dome: hey, nice music. yeah. but Fred....

Li: feels good, man

Dome: he don't do it. he not sexy. i need sexy. where is sexy? no sexy.

Li: you just hatin'.

Dome: fred no sexy

Li: listen to that chorus!

Dome: everybody jumps from the sound of the shotgun

Li: man, I wanna pogo pogo pogo til the break of dawn to this. nigga, I would!

Dome: yeah, Fred but it's not a sexy shotgun.

Li: I'd jump my ass in the sewer and cover myself in rats just to make sure. it'a a phallic reference, obviously.
freddie got bitches jumpin to the sound of his shotgun

Dome: u dig the rhymes? juts axing.

Li: well... he is white...

Dome: he is.

Li: and obviously a big fan of olskool hip hop

Dome: nice band work, though

Li: gotta respect that

Dome: gotta

Li: this song's real dope
. voice and all. can't hate.

Dome: I am not hating

Li: I'll have to listen to the lyrics a bit more to express an opinion on what the hell he's on about

Dome: guitar soloooooo

Li: yeah

Dome: yeah Wes
. I like Wes

Li: so far, two really good tracks and two mehs.

Dome: nice shotgun beat. I appreciate.

Li: next up:

07. DOUCHEBAG (listen to it here)

Dome: 7 is my lucky number

Li: mine too!

Dome: is it yours, Fred ? well, the instrumental is killing

Li: mash op di dancefloor! yeah! thats what im talkin bout! man, i like it. its 90s crossover no bullshit... up until that prechorus hit that is

Dome: well, nice guitar work. nice chorus...

Li: fuck you, fuck you fuck you up!!!

Dome: keeping it simple

Li: who can't relate to that

Dome: I appreciate that
. and nice breakdown

Li: he does sound 14

Dome: sounded like real
music.prechorus is less whiny than others.and I dig the guitar

Li: hell, at least it still rocks
and I can jump around to it

Li: guitar sounds like a horse on the chorus a li'l.

Dome: yeeee

Li: what's that sound the horsies do? how do you call that? snivelin'?

Dome: I like this part. almost odd meter. man, that bass growls like a mofo

Li: I am that bag that you paid? Im sure I didnt hear that right. DOIȘPEEE!!!

Dome: hats off to Sam, Otto and Wes

Li: maybe not in headphones, but I bet it pumps you up in the pit

Dome: jazz it up !!

Li: haha great outro, yeah

Dome: yeah
Li: song 8,
Dome: 08

08. WALKING AWAY (listen to it here)

Li: we also know this one

Dome: sounds like a ballad title.we do?

Li: ...and lemme add I think it's one of the most beautiful bizkit soft songs ever written. I love it.

Dome: oh, god. I mean, oh good

Li: it was released some time ago... months. I like the lil countdown

Dome: ok, Fred is a good mc. and let me stop there.

Li: dude, I like his singin' too

Dome: good

Li: haha..hateeer

Dome: don't hate the hater hate the game..or something like that

Li: it's "don't hate the player, hate the gay" or something like that. this is a great song.

Dome: keep it PC
. personal and computerized

Li: let the record show I think gay people are FABULOUS!

Dome: well, it does have a mood to it, which I appreciate ina song

Li: I may be biased but so far it's a good effort. I mean the album. lyrics were heaps better on the previous ones

Dome: well, I give props when props are due.

Li:... but then again, when you're surviving in the moshpit who gives a shit

Dome: true

Li: listen to that solo

Dome: and let me state that the bizkit have a killer live show, whether you're a fan or not

Li: True. I never kicked and punch so many people at one time in my entire life. or had my ass handed to me like to a bizkit tune . And let's use the opportunity to plug Wes' great band called Black Light Burns, in case you haven't checked them out, do yourself a favor

Dome: well, I like when Fred screams from the top of his lungs. feels like he's actually into it

Li: And we're on to track 9

09. LOSER (listen to it here)

Dome: 9 it is

Li: feels short, this album, doesnt it

Dome: this sounds familiar

Li: 3/4. i like it! i like it ! i licketylike it

Dome: sounds like something off of chocolate starfish, but happier

Li: it sounds fresh n creative

Dome: iz happy song, sorta

Li: i'm waltzin in my chair..GRWWOOOO GRWOOOOo. he just wants to be ok, there aint nuffin wrong wit dat! ... losin' my life away - i'll hold on to that for future use!

Dome: well if that was the chorus it wasn't adding much to the climax

Li: did he just say everybody goes thru a bra?

Dome: i think so

Li: i hope he meant unhinging one, not wearing

Dome: i never went through a bra, though

Li: maybe he meant bro, but that's just racist

Dome: a bar, maybe?

Li: dyslexic freddy strikes again

Li: oh shit wtf lol

Dome: guitar solooo

Li: what is this?!
hahah, sounds like merry-go-round music

Dome: it's like the third solo on the record

Li: hey, i kinda like this novelty azz song

Dome: it's kinda fun, I guess

Li: but they did write much catchier songs before

Dome: but the chorus doesn't do it for me

Li: it's like their second first album, but i"m digging the no bullshit approach to the production

Dome: that was funny

Li: haha
. it is

Dome: autotune it Fred. it's more fun

Li: and we segue into...


Li: dude

Dome: yes

Li: listen to that fucking riff

Dome: autotunage. nice beat

Li: this put the hairs on my arms in standin' attention mode. oh shit!

Dome: heavy guitars, oh yeah! Wes, do it, dooo it! riff that mutha!

Li: elephants rockin ak 47s comin for dat azz!

Dome: ok, this is weirding me out. nice instrumental, I get that it's a joke... but come on!

Li: dude, if you imagine better lyrics over this...! subject matter could use some..uhm... throwin away? i love this chorus.

Dome: heavy guitars, Fred, shut the fuck up.

Li: weird to tell em to smile to this mufucking ridiculous riff. man id still bounce to this

Dome: dude, srsly, I'd buy an instrumental version of this record. and you know I actually buy records

Li: hey, the recipe still works, fred just thought he'd go more basic cuz 00s kids are obviously dumber than us 90s kids

Dome: true

Li: yes, you are that naive, i'll give you that domestos

Dome: call me naive, call me what you will, but I respect musicians, and Fred too, sometimes

Li: hey, he keepin it positive! he wants to see some smiles

Li: i like the tongue in cheek autotunage. shoulda put more on tho

Dome: good for you. more tongue !!! and btw, where the fuck is the cowbell? that is what this album lacks

Li: dude, it's party music after all... can't really knock it till you hear it live

Dome: yeah, true

Li: aight we're on to number 11

Dome: hands down

11. 90 2. 10 (listen to it here)

Dome: bizkits rule live

Li: oh

Dome: heavy metal !!!

Li: listen to that.

Dome: it's like slayer

Li: thats for all the fucking metalhead haters, dieeee hataz

Dome: but then again, it's not

Li: is that a cat in my right headphone?

Dome: kitty trapped in headphones

Li: it's like really bored cat forced to meow.

Dome: meaaow

Li: Sounds a li'l just like every other song, doesn't it?

Dome: yeah

Li: raekwon is on the mic! did he just say corey taylor?

Dome: a bit more diversified on the chord progression part, but maybe that wasn't the problem

Li: im wondering, are frat kids partying to bizkit over in the states?

Dome: I have a problem with the bridges on this album. they should be burnt.

Li: but...GIRLS LOOK SO GOOD! aw-hawww! you can't argue with that, dude. I really was hoping for some actual social-oriented lyrics, just a liiiittle teensy weensy bit.I want something to be mad about when i'm moshing, man!

Dome: well, I was hoping for lyrics, period.

Li: yeah, that too!

Dome: this sounds nice, what is this?

Li: oh yeah.

Dome: it's nice

Li: maybe freddy should put out a straight hip hop album and just sing to the other songs. i think it'd be an improvement. sing, not whinge.

Dome: yeah

Li: and here comes my fave track
off the album, apparently...

Dome: zwölf

12. WHY TRY (listen to it here)

Dome: nice, heavy guitars

Li: and this one will rock you off your chair and out your underwear. chorus rips ribcages and yanks hearts out too

Dome: good, busy verse. sounds a bit like RATM. the prechorus rocks

Li: THE ALIGATOR GRIP GONNA TURN YOU TO TOAST!!!! FANGS OF THE GOLD COBRA, ENGAGE!!!! I want to kill our project manager to this! just kiddin sanyi, you'z a great dude.

Dome: the tune has a nice groove to it. it's like a train.Dome: it don't stop

Li: and unless the last song changes it, this remains the best song on the cd in my humble opinion

Dome: it's like an anthem for the inevitabilty of death. oh, I like the bridge! first tune with a great bridge

Li: and we're sadly at nr 13

13. KILLER IN YOU (listen to it here)

Dome: and I appreciate the fact that it's short. 13. Wes. WEEEEES

Li: I like it but it feels like the vox drown out the guitars... and everything else. nice oldskool beat.

Dome: and that burpy, growly warwick streamer stage 1

Li: this rocks!!! man, this really rocks

Dome: not that bad. let's see where they take it

Li: it's been a flawed album but still heaps better than everything they put out since 2k1

Dome: I like the guitar works
and the bass burps

Li: i was hoping for more catchiness but classic raprock is way better than pop. chorus really got me hooked. voice, rhythm section and guitars sync perfectly

Dome: and the slap delay on the vox is nice

Li: lay a mufucker on the curb!

Dome: nice guitars !!! I like these types of riffraffs

Li: wes still got it

Dome: fo' sho'

Li: YEAH!!!!: kill that mufucka!

Dome: yeeea
... which mufucka?

Li: whicheva! freddie aint fuckin around with no subtle shit no mo kids.

Dome: ok

Li: aaaand we exit this mufucka olskool style

Dome: yeah
. no long outro, thank god

Li: so, let's jump to conclusions


Dome: conclusions

Li: hey, I liked it. I expected way more catchiness and hits, but oldskool raprock bragadoccio works for me

Dome: well, I listened to it.

Li: Lyrics, I give a 6/10 domestos?

Dome: lyrics, 4/10 because of constant reusage and lack of content

Li: there were funny bits and freddy sure talked a lot and we couldnt pay attention to every lil thing he says; but yeah, lack of content, thats i think what bothered me most. i mean egging people on to start riots and party is nice, but gimme something to give a fuck about, fred! music - 9/10, cuz it was pretty much flawless, if repetitive here and there

Dome: yeah, the music is tight - props to the band, a solid 8 from my part

Li: not very catchy but then again I can actually appreciate that when it comes to Bizkit. so, 6 plus 4 plus 9 plus 8 divided by 4 makes a... ??

Dome: ...exactly.

Li: 6.75 according to windows calculator. which is unfair, really, cuz it's a solid album. I'd give it an 8.5 overall. and thats just cause freddy didnt do his homework

Dome: in conclusion, a pretty solid raprock record/comeback with nasty ass lyrics, lack of content and whiny vocals. and i mean that with the utmost lack of disrespect for Fred. he cool. he knows his thangs.

Li: yep. something to listen to in your car when you're mowing down pedestrians. just don't direct no movies no more, fred, cause longshots made me want to put my head in the oven

Dome: but, I cannot reiterate enough - the bizkits should be seen live.

Li: yes.

Dome: that's where they shine. that's where the lack of content fades away.

Li: anything you'd like to plug, since no one will read this crap anyway?

Dome: yeah
. as you guyz know, I have some music of my own that nobody listens to so I thought it would be nice if more people didn't listen to it. Absurdcus - Raya

Li: haha

Li: I'd just like to add I still don't like APC but the Renholder remixes are pure fucking genius and I wholeheartedly recommend them.

Dome: props to Danny Lohner

Li: And you can check out my Fragile Bird (City and Colour) remix, and two of my Alicia Keys remixes - Fallin' and Butterflyz.

Dome: are we done?

Li: We done. Toodles! until next time, Dome and Li, signing off

Dome: bizow

Li: still limpin with the bizkit!

Dome: bizking with the dumplings, yo.

BONUS: The Gold Cobra vid, yo. Rockin and smashin. Ch-ch-chhhhuuuch!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

General Washington's Negro Body-Servant

Hey world, how's it going? I've been meaning to blog a little lately, really I have, but I kept postponing, and, you know... hopefully I'll be real time reviewing Limp Bizkit's hot new album with my man Dome, but for the time being, since you've reached my blog (again?) and that certainly means you're really running out of reading material, why not indulge in a classic? My sister hooked me up with some neat Mark Twain related audio conferences, and I remembered I wanted to share something with you. This below is one of my fave Mark Twain shorts, one of the few pieces of literature that cracks me up on each reading, and it seems to me it's undeservedly obscure. Enjoy! Hope to be back soon (yeah, I know, I keep saying that...).


General Washington's Negro Body-Servant
by Mark Twain

A Biographical Sketch

The stirring part of this celebrated colored man's life properly began with his death — that is to say, the notable features of his biography began with the first time he died. He had been little heard of up to that time, but since then we have never ceased to hear of him; we have never ceased to hear of him at stated, unfailing intervals. His was a most remarkable career, and I have thought that its history would make a valuable addition to our biographical literature. Therefore, I have carefully collated the materials for such a work, from authentic sources, and here present them to the public. I have rigidly excluded from these pages everything of a doubtful character, with the object in view of introducing my work into the schools for the instruction of the youth of my country.

The name of the famous body-servant of General Washington was George. After serving his illustrious master faithfully for half a century, and enjoying throughout his long term his high regard and confidence, it became his sorrowful duty at last to lay that beloved master to rest in his peaceful grave by the Potomac. Ten years afterward — in 1809 — full of years and honors, he died himself, mourned by all who knew him. The Boston GAZETTE of that date thus refers to the event:

George, the favorite body-servant of the lamented Washington, died in Richmond, Va., last Tuesday, at the ripe age of 95 years. His intellect was unimpaired, and his memory tenacious, up to within a few minutes of his decease. He was present at the second installation of Washington as President, and also at his funeral, and distinctly remembered all the prominent incidents connected with those noted events.

From this period we hear no more of the favorite body-servant of General Washington until May, 1825, at which time he died again. A Philadelphia paper thus speaks of the sad occurrence:

At Macon, Ga., last week, a colored man named George, who was the favorite body-servant of General Washington, died at the advanced age of 95 years. Up to within a few hours of his dissolution he was in full possession of all his faculties, and could distinctly recollect the second installation of Washington, his death and burial, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battle of Trenton, the griefs and hardships of Valley Forge, etc. Deceased was followed to the grave by the entire population of Macon.

O n the Fourth of July, 1830, and also of 1834 and 1836, the subject of this sketch was exhibited in great state upon the rostrum of the orator of the day, and in November of 1840 he died again. The St. Louis REPUBLICAN of the 25th of that month spoke as follows:


George, once the favorite body-servant of General Washington, died yesterday at the house of Mr. John Leavenworth in this city, at the venerable age of 95 years. He was in the full possession of his faculties up to the hour of his death, and distinctly recollected the first and second installations and death of President Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, the sufferings of the patriot army at Valley Forge, the proclamation of the Declaration of Independence, the speech of Patrick Henry in the Virginia House of Delegates, and many other old-time reminiscences of stirring interest. Few white men die lamented as was this aged negro. The funeral was very largely attended.

During the next ten or eleven years the subject of this sketch appeared at intervals at Fourth-of-July celebrations in various parts of the country, and was exhibited upon the rostrum with flattering success. But in the fall of 1855 he died again. The California papers thus speak of the event:


Died, at Dutch Flat, on the 7th of March, George (once the confidential body-servant of General Washington), at the great age of 95 years. His memory, which did not fail him till the last, was a wonderful storehouse of interesting reminiscences. He could distinctly recollect the first and second installations and death of President Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, and Bunker Hill, the proclamation of the Declaration of Independence, and Braddock's defeat. George was greatly respected in Dutch Flat, and it is estimated that there were 10,000 people present at his funeral.

T he last time the subject of this sketch died was in June, 1864; and until we learn the contrary, it is just to presume that he died permanently this time. The Michigan papers thus refer to the sorrowful event:


George, a colored man, and once the favorite body-servant of George Washington, died in Detroit last week, at the patriarchal age of 95 years. To the moment of his death his intellect was unclouded, and he could distinctly remember the first and second installations and death of Washington, the surrender of Cornwallis, the battles of Trenton and Monmouth, and Bunker Hill, the proclamation of the Declaration of Independence, Braddock's defeat, the throwing over of the tea in Boston harbor, and the landing of the Pilgrims. He died greatly respected, and was followed to the grave by a vast concourse of people.

The faithful old servant is gone! We shall never see him more until he turns up again. He has closed his long and splendid career of dissolution, for the present, and sleeps peacefully, as only they sleep who have earned their rest. He was in all respects a remarkable man. He held his age better than any celebrity that has figured in history; and the longer he lived the stronger and longer his memory grew. If he lives to die again, he will distinctly recollect the discovery of America.

The above résumé of his biography I believe to be substantially correct, although it is possible that he may have died once or twice in obscure places where the event failed of newspaper notoriety. One fault I find in all the notices of his death I have quoted, and this ought to be correct. In them he uniformly and impartially died at the age of 95. This could not have been. He might have done that once, or maybe twice, but he could not have continued it indefinitely. Allowing that when he first died, he died at the age of 95, he was 151 years old when he died last, in 1864. But his age did not keep pace with his recollections. When he died the last time, he distinctly remembered the landing of the Pilgrims, which took place in 1620. He must have been about twenty years old when he witnessed that event, wherefore it is safe to assert that the body-servant of General Washington was in the neighborhood of two hundred and sixty or seventy years old when he departed this life finally.

Having waited a proper length of time, to see if the subject of his sketch had gone from us reliably and irrevocably, I now publish his biography with confidence, and respectfully offer it to a mourning nation.

P.S. — I see by the papers that this infamous old fraud has just died again, in Arkansas. This makes six times that he is known to have died, and always in a new place. The death of Washington's body-servant has ceased to be a novelty; it's charm is gone; the people are tired of it; let it cease. This well-meaning but misguided negro has not put six different communities to the expense of burying him in state, and has swindled tens of thousands of people into following him to the grave under the delusion that a select and peculiar distinction was being conferred upon them. Let him stay buried for good now; and let that newspaper suffer the severest censure that shall ever, in all the future time, publish to the world that General Washington's favorite colored body-servant has died again.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Talking Funny

Hey guys. I'll be a man of very few words: Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais, Chris Rock and Louis CK, hanging around talking shit. It's fresh off the HBO press:

...and you can watch it below, actually courtesy of Gervais' own blog. How cool is that of him? You're welcome! Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ricky Gervais Is In 2d And I Had No Idea

Hello! I'm posting again.

So, lately I've been involved in an ultra-secret (:P) project that involves 2d animation similar to that kind that you and I love so much, dear reader (we do, right?), the likes of Dexter's lab and such, and had the time to dig around, discovering or remembering related stuff. Anyone remember Time Squad? How cool were they?

Gnarly, daddy-o

So anyway, yesterday night I'm flipping channels and there's Ricky Gervais on Hbo Comedy in cartoon form!

Look, it's Barney Rubble. Wait, it's Ricky.

Yeah. I'm guessing most of the world was aware of that - I wasn't - I mean I knew about how successful his podcast was but how come no one told me it was animated? And in a groovy way too?

Anyways, you can stream it here on (free account required). And you know how you can tell I'm not getting paid to advertise their site? Google Chrome can totally help you kinda semi-hack their waiting system - if you're not a paying member, you have to wait for like 20 mins before you can watch an episode, and can't have several counting down at the same time. Well, your buddies @Google got that covered: simply go into super undercover secret agent mode (press Alt-Shift-N in Chrome and the super undercover secret agent new page pops up) and voila - count down as many as you like in just 20 mins. Yeah, I know, I should write lifehacks books.

Ok, back to animating. See ya!