Thursday, July 7, 2011

GOLD COBRA - Instant Messaging Review and Full Album

Yo yo yo, crackaz and honkeyz, what it iz and what it doez? This is where my main crackalacka Domestos and I instant message review Limp Bizkit's hot new album, GOLD COBRA, in real time, from the comfort of our chairs and sitting 3 m away from each other. We're lazy. And Dome's hatin', too. Just kidding, we were objective as possible, seen as we've been limpin' with the Bizkit for 13+ years now. It's a pretty important effort, since it sees LB and incredibly talented guitarist Wes Borland finally reunite after a long-ass hiatus. I wrote a bit more on mr. Borland here. We did this before with the latest Linkin Park album, you can read that right here. Also, for your listening and pirating pleasure, I've taken the time to attach the full length songs, too. Now don't go downloading them, just play them once, forget about this blog and buy the Gold Cobra.

Hopefully Ironic Kitsch Cover Art
by Wes Borland, LB guitarist and painter extraordinaire
Actually the dude's a very talented artist, check the post mentioned above, yo.

And here's the review. Fangs of the Gold Cobra, ENGAGE!



Li: here we go. ladies and gentlemen! for your reading pleasure, me and my coleague here will review gold cobra in real time!

Dome: wait, I have to tir the coffee

Li: tir away!

Dome: *stir actually

Li: so do I

Dome: 'cuz I like it stirred not shaken
. I am ready to take on the Gold Cobra

Li: So am I
. So!

Dome: but
first, a disclaimer

Li: a word from our sponsors

Dome: I'll keep it short.
I am not a huge fan. That should suffice

Li: I used to be a huge fan but I've noticeably lost weight lately
. Their first two albums rule the earth, I think you'll agree....And some great tracks on the others too.

Dome: well, not all songs on the first 2
, but don't like the rest

Li: for those not familiar with the subject, it's a return to form for bizkit
, as in the main mofo wes is back

Dome: with a new haircut and v neck t-shirts

Li: so what album do you have in your mp3 player now domestos?

Dome: ...and crazier makeup
. A shout out to my homiez @ foobar!

Li: actually
, just quote your latest 5 last fm artists.

Dome: yes

Li: i'm brimming with anticipation

Dome: so...

Li: I didnt mean actually quote them
. naming them will do

Li: jesus christ, this takes you a lot doesn't it! are you updating your firefox?

Dome: 5 most recent artists - Ol' Dirty Bastard, RATM, The Scuba Cult, Jakob, Rollins Band

Li: haha

Dome: You've seen mine, now show me yours

Li: I love how ODB crept up in there. Mine are Chevelle, 10 Years, A Perfect Circle, Bernard Herrman and
. I think that makes us even, I don't really like APC and you don't really like ODB.So without further ado, let's hit the 1st song!
Dome: yes

01. INTROBRA (listen to it here)

Dome: countdown

Li: 3...
2... 1...Play!

Dome: go
! ok


Dome: synthbass ! ...
a whining Fred !

Li: Freddie can't make it stop

Dome: uuu

Li: sounds like kitchen mixers starting up at the same time
. and somewehere in the background john otto is beating eggs.

Dome: and a few pillows

Li: fast approaching track 2

Dome: yeah, the anticipation is killing me.

02.BRING IT BACK (listen to it here)

Li: Deadly riff!

Dome: sounds like something off record nr 2!

Li: Wes is at it. Oh wtf!!!

Dome: wtf

Li: Lil jon up in here. HHHWHAT? OKAAAY!

Dome: wtf
! this ain't what I expected

Li: Sorta diggin it, though this southern hip hop shit never was my cup o'tea
. rhymes are pretty tight. oh YEAH

Dome: sounds like bubba sparxx ona heavy metal trip

Li: here it comes

Dome: tight

Li: 1:08
and it's kinda crazy already. guitar soundin a li'l more heavy metalish.

Dome: back to the southern hiphop
... yeah


Dome: MO' MIDS !!

Li: freddie, it aint 2012 yet. toasting guts like nuts on xmas! Already my favorite lyric

Dome: freddie you ain't timbaland

Li: not such a good start imo

Dome: the chorus is tight

Li: ok we're at track 3

03. GOLD COBRA (listen to it here)

Dome: yeah
. the title track

Li: so far so awesome

Dome: tight rhythm seck, as always

Li: well, we do know this mutha from the video, which btw rocks in case you haven't seen it yet, you twat! not you, domestos

Dome: yeah, but sounds better without the vid. the bass iz killin'! growls like a mofo

Li: thats just hating and doesnt necessarily reflect my views and opinions, or those of blogspot. and here's that kickazz chorus

Dome: hooray for hating diversity

Li: so far so mid paced

Dome: yeah

Dome: you can say 'shut the fuck up' just so many times, fred

Li: flush you turds down the drain! that's lyrical enlightenment right there

Dome: lyrical phrasing in the prechours sounds like rhcp

Li: and he rhymes think with bank, which just cleaned his sin slate clean

Dome: oook Fred...

Li: oh, you don't like this part, do ya?

Dome: ooh yeee -heeee

. listen WHAT i'm tellin you. goodbye prepositions. how old is freddie? 50?

Dome: the brigde vocals suck ass. yeah. imma give him a break

Li: man he still got that swag
. I hope i'll be rapping at 50! and it's on to the next one...

Dome: his rhymes be tight

Li: we heard a bit of this too a year ago

04. SHARK ATTACK (listen to it here)

Dome: but I think he should read more, though

Li: He's too busy directing

Dome: guitar !!!

Li: GJJJIIIN GJIIIIEEEN! Break stuff part two.

Dome: sorta

Li: he don't need a chump talkin that junk in pajamas!

Dome: up till now I really dislike the re-usage of phrases from the previous records, Fred. nice guitar work

Li: That's cool dude, it's meta
. i hope this aint the real chorus though...

Dome: I like Wes.
does he have a facebook page?

Dunno, we shd investigate. verse sounds a bit empty, maybe it's me. bad muthafucka..screw ya!

Dome: it sounds like typiczkit

Li: yeah. that's good, in a way, but the chorus is... how can I put it... simple.

Dome: yea
h. what is this?

Li: I think I mistook this track for something else freddie gave us a glimpse of a year ago. wtf! wtf!

Dome: who is this?

Li: hahahah... weird azz break!

Dome: is this FRed?

Li: but I kinda liked it
. It - was -old -skoool

Dome: sitll living where the donkey's at?

Li: wes sure was bored when he wrote the hook

Dome: I think I misheard

Li: alright, that wasn't great. on to track 5!

Dome: shut it down, Fred

05. GET A LIFE (listen to it here)

Dome: 05

Li: hippa to da hoppa. haha, my alias, polar bear? that rocks. i like it so far.

Dome: bass is rumbling, biotch

Li: yeah. nice guit stabs. how do you rhyme serious with siberia? haha... now he rhymed tank with think! freddie takin chances there

Dome: yea


Dome: thats' right Fred

Li: Best thing on the album yet


Li: fuck yeah

Dome: work for that dollar

Li: that's what i'm here for! limos make'm carsick

Dome: lemme feel some emotion, Fred

Li: just a crackalackin mofo! he lackin' crackers.

Dome: re-cycling lyrics is not sexy! aaaargh

Li: I wanna mosh to this so bad
! with a knife in each hand and a helmet.oh no!

Dome: It's like the chorus is almost alive
... what is this?

Li: don't whine on the bridgeeee
, nooo

Dome: well, it's better than the previous whining

Li: this is for toning down the kids in the pits
. nice scale, wes!

Dome: this part sounds like the apex theory. what is this?

Li: second weird azz rapped bridge. BRING IT AWWWN!

Dome: well, the chorus worked the first 2 times

Li: i just wanna smash my second monitor to this! (yeah bitch i'm rockin that dual shit)

Dome: third should've been sexier

Li: haha great outro. PRAVDA! oh man russian fans must be in heaven now

Dome: the devil wears pravda

Li: this sounds like a skit offa S.O. haha, yeah. alrightey, track 6!

Dome: ok, next

06. SHOTGUN (listen to it here)

Li: I have a gut feeling this ll rock.

Dome: guitars. bass.

Li: cuz, uh, we know this from before, too

Dome: ...drums
. yeah. good so far. well ...and then came fred.

Li: it's a fucking good song, i've spinned it a few times
. u a hater! listen to that verse theme

Dome: hey, nice music. yeah. but Fred....

Li: feels good, man

Dome: he don't do it. he not sexy. i need sexy. where is sexy? no sexy.

Li: you just hatin'.

Dome: fred no sexy

Li: listen to that chorus!

Dome: everybody jumps from the sound of the shotgun

Li: man, I wanna pogo pogo pogo til the break of dawn to this. nigga, I would!

Dome: yeah, Fred but it's not a sexy shotgun.

Li: I'd jump my ass in the sewer and cover myself in rats just to make sure. it'a a phallic reference, obviously.
freddie got bitches jumpin to the sound of his shotgun

Dome: u dig the rhymes? juts axing.

Li: well... he is white...

Dome: he is.

Li: and obviously a big fan of olskool hip hop

Dome: nice band work, though

Li: gotta respect that

Dome: gotta

Li: this song's real dope
. voice and all. can't hate.

Dome: I am not hating

Li: I'll have to listen to the lyrics a bit more to express an opinion on what the hell he's on about

Dome: guitar soloooooo

Li: yeah

Dome: yeah Wes
. I like Wes

Li: so far, two really good tracks and two mehs.

Dome: nice shotgun beat. I appreciate.

Li: next up:

07. DOUCHEBAG (listen to it here)

Dome: 7 is my lucky number

Li: mine too!

Dome: is it yours, Fred ? well, the instrumental is killing

Li: mash op di dancefloor! yeah! thats what im talkin bout! man, i like it. its 90s crossover no bullshit... up until that prechorus hit that is

Dome: well, nice guitar work. nice chorus...

Li: fuck you, fuck you fuck you up!!!

Dome: keeping it simple

Li: who can't relate to that

Dome: I appreciate that
. and nice breakdown

Li: he does sound 14

Dome: sounded like real
music.prechorus is less whiny than others.and I dig the guitar

Li: hell, at least it still rocks
and I can jump around to it

Li: guitar sounds like a horse on the chorus a li'l.

Dome: yeeee

Li: what's that sound the horsies do? how do you call that? snivelin'?

Dome: I like this part. almost odd meter. man, that bass growls like a mofo

Li: I am that bag that you paid? Im sure I didnt hear that right. DOIȘPEEE!!!

Dome: hats off to Sam, Otto and Wes

Li: maybe not in headphones, but I bet it pumps you up in the pit

Dome: jazz it up !!

Li: haha great outro, yeah

Dome: yeah
Li: song 8,
Dome: 08

08. WALKING AWAY (listen to it here)

Li: we also know this one

Dome: sounds like a ballad title.we do?

Li: ...and lemme add I think it's one of the most beautiful bizkit soft songs ever written. I love it.

Dome: oh, god. I mean, oh good

Li: it was released some time ago... months. I like the lil countdown

Dome: ok, Fred is a good mc. and let me stop there.

Li: dude, I like his singin' too

Dome: good

Li: haha..hateeer

Dome: don't hate the hater hate the game..or something like that

Li: it's "don't hate the player, hate the gay" or something like that. this is a great song.

Dome: keep it PC
. personal and computerized

Li: let the record show I think gay people are FABULOUS!

Dome: well, it does have a mood to it, which I appreciate ina song

Li: I may be biased but so far it's a good effort. I mean the album. lyrics were heaps better on the previous ones

Dome: well, I give props when props are due.

Li:... but then again, when you're surviving in the moshpit who gives a shit

Dome: true

Li: listen to that solo

Dome: and let me state that the bizkit have a killer live show, whether you're a fan or not

Li: True. I never kicked and punch so many people at one time in my entire life. or had my ass handed to me like to a bizkit tune . And let's use the opportunity to plug Wes' great band called Black Light Burns, in case you haven't checked them out, do yourself a favor

Dome: well, I like when Fred screams from the top of his lungs. feels like he's actually into it

Li: And we're on to track 9

09. LOSER (listen to it here)

Dome: 9 it is

Li: feels short, this album, doesnt it

Dome: this sounds familiar

Li: 3/4. i like it! i like it ! i licketylike it

Dome: sounds like something off of chocolate starfish, but happier

Li: it sounds fresh n creative

Dome: iz happy song, sorta

Li: i'm waltzin in my chair..GRWWOOOO GRWOOOOo. he just wants to be ok, there aint nuffin wrong wit dat! ... losin' my life away - i'll hold on to that for future use!

Dome: well if that was the chorus it wasn't adding much to the climax

Li: did he just say everybody goes thru a bra?

Dome: i think so

Li: i hope he meant unhinging one, not wearing

Dome: i never went through a bra, though

Li: maybe he meant bro, but that's just racist

Dome: a bar, maybe?

Li: dyslexic freddy strikes again

Li: oh shit wtf lol

Dome: guitar solooo

Li: what is this?!
hahah, sounds like merry-go-round music

Dome: it's like the third solo on the record

Li: hey, i kinda like this novelty azz song

Dome: it's kinda fun, I guess

Li: but they did write much catchier songs before

Dome: but the chorus doesn't do it for me

Li: it's like their second first album, but i"m digging the no bullshit approach to the production

Dome: that was funny

Li: haha
. it is

Dome: autotune it Fred. it's more fun

Li: and we segue into...


Li: dude

Dome: yes

Li: listen to that fucking riff

Dome: autotunage. nice beat

Li: this put the hairs on my arms in standin' attention mode. oh shit!

Dome: heavy guitars, oh yeah! Wes, do it, dooo it! riff that mutha!

Li: elephants rockin ak 47s comin for dat azz!

Dome: ok, this is weirding me out. nice instrumental, I get that it's a joke... but come on!

Li: dude, if you imagine better lyrics over this...! subject matter could use some..uhm... throwin away? i love this chorus.

Dome: heavy guitars, Fred, shut the fuck up.

Li: weird to tell em to smile to this mufucking ridiculous riff. man id still bounce to this

Dome: dude, srsly, I'd buy an instrumental version of this record. and you know I actually buy records

Li: hey, the recipe still works, fred just thought he'd go more basic cuz 00s kids are obviously dumber than us 90s kids

Dome: true

Li: yes, you are that naive, i'll give you that domestos

Dome: call me naive, call me what you will, but I respect musicians, and Fred too, sometimes

Li: hey, he keepin it positive! he wants to see some smiles

Li: i like the tongue in cheek autotunage. shoulda put more on tho

Dome: good for you. more tongue !!! and btw, where the fuck is the cowbell? that is what this album lacks

Li: dude, it's party music after all... can't really knock it till you hear it live

Dome: yeah, true

Li: aight we're on to number 11

Dome: hands down

11. 90 2. 10 (listen to it here)

Dome: bizkits rule live

Li: oh

Dome: heavy metal !!!

Li: listen to that.

Dome: it's like slayer

Li: thats for all the fucking metalhead haters, dieeee hataz

Dome: but then again, it's not

Li: is that a cat in my right headphone?

Dome: kitty trapped in headphones

Li: it's like really bored cat forced to meow.

Dome: meaaow

Li: Sounds a li'l just like every other song, doesn't it?

Dome: yeah

Li: raekwon is on the mic! did he just say corey taylor?

Dome: a bit more diversified on the chord progression part, but maybe that wasn't the problem

Li: im wondering, are frat kids partying to bizkit over in the states?

Dome: I have a problem with the bridges on this album. they should be burnt.

Li: but...GIRLS LOOK SO GOOD! aw-hawww! you can't argue with that, dude. I really was hoping for some actual social-oriented lyrics, just a liiiittle teensy weensy bit.I want something to be mad about when i'm moshing, man!

Dome: well, I was hoping for lyrics, period.

Li: yeah, that too!

Dome: this sounds nice, what is this?

Li: oh yeah.

Dome: it's nice

Li: maybe freddy should put out a straight hip hop album and just sing to the other songs. i think it'd be an improvement. sing, not whinge.

Dome: yeah

Li: and here comes my fave track
off the album, apparently...

Dome: zwölf

12. WHY TRY (listen to it here)

Dome: nice, heavy guitars

Li: and this one will rock you off your chair and out your underwear. chorus rips ribcages and yanks hearts out too

Dome: good, busy verse. sounds a bit like RATM. the prechorus rocks

Li: THE ALIGATOR GRIP GONNA TURN YOU TO TOAST!!!! FANGS OF THE GOLD COBRA, ENGAGE!!!! I want to kill our project manager to this! just kiddin sanyi, you'z a great dude.

Dome: the tune has a nice groove to it. it's like a train.Dome: it don't stop

Li: and unless the last song changes it, this remains the best song on the cd in my humble opinion

Dome: it's like an anthem for the inevitabilty of death. oh, I like the bridge! first tune with a great bridge

Li: and we're sadly at nr 13

13. KILLER IN YOU (listen to it here)

Dome: and I appreciate the fact that it's short. 13. Wes. WEEEEES

Li: I like it but it feels like the vox drown out the guitars... and everything else. nice oldskool beat.

Dome: and that burpy, growly warwick streamer stage 1

Li: this rocks!!! man, this really rocks

Dome: not that bad. let's see where they take it

Li: it's been a flawed album but still heaps better than everything they put out since 2k1

Dome: I like the guitar works
and the bass burps

Li: i was hoping for more catchiness but classic raprock is way better than pop. chorus really got me hooked. voice, rhythm section and guitars sync perfectly

Dome: and the slap delay on the vox is nice

Li: lay a mufucker on the curb!

Dome: nice guitars !!! I like these types of riffraffs

Li: wes still got it

Dome: fo' sho'

Li: YEAH!!!!: kill that mufucka!

Dome: yeeea
... which mufucka?

Li: whicheva! freddie aint fuckin around with no subtle shit no mo kids.

Dome: ok

Li: aaaand we exit this mufucka olskool style

Dome: yeah
. no long outro, thank god

Li: so, let's jump to conclusions


Dome: conclusions

Li: hey, I liked it. I expected way more catchiness and hits, but oldskool raprock bragadoccio works for me

Dome: well, I listened to it.

Li: Lyrics, I give a 6/10 domestos?

Dome: lyrics, 4/10 because of constant reusage and lack of content

Li: there were funny bits and freddy sure talked a lot and we couldnt pay attention to every lil thing he says; but yeah, lack of content, thats i think what bothered me most. i mean egging people on to start riots and party is nice, but gimme something to give a fuck about, fred! music - 9/10, cuz it was pretty much flawless, if repetitive here and there

Dome: yeah, the music is tight - props to the band, a solid 8 from my part

Li: not very catchy but then again I can actually appreciate that when it comes to Bizkit. so, 6 plus 4 plus 9 plus 8 divided by 4 makes a... ??

Dome: ...exactly.

Li: 6.75 according to windows calculator. which is unfair, really, cuz it's a solid album. I'd give it an 8.5 overall. and thats just cause freddy didnt do his homework

Dome: in conclusion, a pretty solid raprock record/comeback with nasty ass lyrics, lack of content and whiny vocals. and i mean that with the utmost lack of disrespect for Fred. he cool. he knows his thangs.

Li: yep. something to listen to in your car when you're mowing down pedestrians. just don't direct no movies no more, fred, cause longshots made me want to put my head in the oven

Dome: but, I cannot reiterate enough - the bizkits should be seen live.

Li: yes.

Dome: that's where they shine. that's where the lack of content fades away.

Li: anything you'd like to plug, since no one will read this crap anyway?

Dome: yeah
. as you guyz know, I have some music of my own that nobody listens to so I thought it would be nice if more people didn't listen to it. Absurdcus - Raya

Li: haha

Li: I'd just like to add I still don't like APC but the Renholder remixes are pure fucking genius and I wholeheartedly recommend them.

Dome: props to Danny Lohner

Li: And you can check out my Fragile Bird (City and Colour) remix, and two of my Alicia Keys remixes - Fallin' and Butterflyz.

Dome: are we done?

Li: We done. Toodles! until next time, Dome and Li, signing off

Dome: bizow

Li: still limpin with the bizkit!

Dome: bizking with the dumplings, yo.

BONUS: The Gold Cobra vid, yo. Rockin and smashin. Ch-ch-chhhhuuuch!


mo said...

faina recenzie!
(nothing like a good laugh to go with one's mornin' coffee)
cat despre album, dupa prima ascultare am ajuns la concluzia ca imi place cum ii place unui copil gras tortul - mai mult decat ar trebui, avand in vedere ca nu e prea bun pentru mine :)
sa vedem cum va fi la urmatoarele n ascultari..

Roxa said...

Oh happy happy, joy joy! How I missed this kind of black rappah writin'. :D Didn't rest my year on the Cobra just yet, but I will. Dome's obviously hatin', btw. :]

absurdcus said...

eh, wasn't hating at all. I tried my best to deliver a fair, unbiased take on the matter at hand. and the matter at hand is that I no longer enjoy the kind of music that tries to fuel my and the whole world's teen angst, because, guess what, I iz an old poop. production aside, IMHO, this record belongeth in the 'style over substance' next to the 'straight to dvd' category. with due respect to the awesome musicians that crafted it, of course. I'd still mosh my ass off in the pit to this, though. 'cuz that is what the bizkits do well, push your moshing button. but at the end of the day, it's just a matter of personal preferences. apples and's like comparing the ancient art of chinese kung-fu with modern day aerobics. they both work your butt muscles. i'm hungry, gotta chow!