Yo yo yo, crackaz and honkeyz, what it iz and what it doez? This is where my main crackalacka Domestos and I instant message review Limp Bizkit's hot new album, GOLD COBRA, in real time, from the comfort of our chairs and sitting 3 m away from each other. We're lazy. And Dome's hatin', too. Just kidding, we were objective as possible, seen as we've been limpin' with the Bizkit for 13+ years now. It's a pretty important effort, since it sees LB and incredibly talented guitarist Wes Borland finally reunite after a long-ass hiatus. I wrote a bit more on mr. Borland here. We did this before with the latest Linkin Park album, you can read that right here. Also, for your listening and pirating pleasure, I've taken the time to attach the full length songs, too. Now don't go downloading them, just play them once, forget about this blog and buy the Gold Cobra.
And here's the review. Fangs of the Gold Cobra, ENGAGE!
Li: here we go. ladies and gentlemen! for your reading pleasure, me and my coleague here will review gold cobra in real time!
Dome: wait, I have to tir the coffee
Li: tir away!
Dome: *stir actually
Li: so do I.
Dome: 'cuz I like it stirred not shaken. I am ready to take on the Gold Cobra
Li: So am I. So!
Dome: but first, a disclaimer
Li: a word from our sponsors?
Dome: I'll keep it short. I am not a huge fan. That should suffice
Li: I used to be a huge fan but I've noticeably lost weight lately. Their first two albums rule the earth, I think you'll agree....And some great tracks on the others too.
Dome: well, not all songs on the first 2, but don't like the rest
Li: for those not familiar with the subject, it's a return to form for bizkit, as in the main mofo wes is back
Dome: with a new haircut and v neck t-shirts
Li: so what album do you have in your mp3 player now domestos?
Dome: ...and crazier makeup. A shout out to my homiez @ foobar!
Li: actually, just quote your latest 5 last fm artists.
Li: i'm brimming with anticipation.
Li: I didnt mean actually quote them. naming them will do
Li: jesus christ, this takes you a lot doesn't it! are you updating your firefox?
Dome: 5 most recent artists - Ol' Dirty Bastard, RATM, The Scuba Cult, Jakob, Rollins Band.
Dome: You've seen mine, now show me yours!
Li: I love how ODB crept up in there. Mine are Chevelle, 10 Years, A Perfect Circle, Bernard Herrman and
Skindred. I think that makes us even, I don't really like APC and you don't really like ODB.So without further ado, let's hit the 1st song!
01. INTROBRA (listen to it here)
Li: 3...2... 1...Play!
Dome: go! ok
Li: BOOOM! bass!
Dome: synthbass ! ...a whining Fred !
Li: Freddie can't make it stop
Li: sounds like kitchen mixers starting up at the same time. and somewehere in the background john otto is beating eggs.
Dome: and a few pillows
Li: fast approaching track 2
Dome: yeah, the anticipation is killing me.
02.BRING IT BACK (listen to it here)
Li: Deadly riff!
Dome: sounds like something off record nr 2!
Li: Wes is at it. Oh wtf!!!
Li: Lil jon up in here. HHHWHAT? OKAAAY!
Dome: wtf! this ain't what I expected
Li: Sorta diggin it, though this southern hip hop shit never was my cup o'tea. rhymes are pretty tight. oh YEAH
Dome: sounds like bubba sparxx ona heavy metal trip
Li: here it comes!
Li: 1:08 and it's kinda crazy already. guitar soundin a li'l more heavy metalish.
Dome: back to the southern hiphop... yeah
Dome: MO' MIDS !!
Li: freddie, it aint 2012 yet. toasting guts like nuts on xmas! Already my favorite lyric
Dome: freddie you ain't timbaland
Li: not such a good start imo
Dome: the chorus is tight
Li: ok we're at track 3
03. GOLD COBRA (listen to it here)
Dome: yeah. the title track
Li: so far so awesome
Dome: tight rhythm seck, as always
Li: well, we do know this mutha from the video, which btw rocks in case you haven't seen it yet, you twat! not you, domestos
Dome: yeah, but sounds better without the vid. the bass iz killin'! growls like a mofo
Li: thats just hating and doesnt necessarily reflect my views and opinions, or those of blogspot. and here's that kickazz chorus
Dome: hooray for hating diversity
Li: so far so mid paced
Dome: you can say 'shut the fuck up' just so many times, fred
Li: flush you turds down the drain! that's lyrical enlightenment right there
Dome: lyrical phrasing in the prechours sounds like rhcp
Li: and he rhymes think with bank, which just cleaned his sin slate clean
Dome: oook Fred...
Li: oh, you don't like this part, do ya?
Dome: ooh yeee -heeee
Li: OH YEAH. listen WHAT i'm tellin you. goodbye prepositions. how old is freddie? 50?
Dome: the brigde vocals suck ass. yeah. imma give him a break
Li: man he still got that swag. I hope i'll be rapping at 50! and it's on to the next one...
Dome: his rhymes be tight
Li: we heard a bit of this too a year ago
04. SHARK ATTACK (listen to it here)
Dome: but I think he should read more, though
Li: He's too busy directing. GUITAR!!!
Dome: guitar !!!
Li: GJJJIIIN GJIIIIEEEN! Break stuff part two.
Li: he don't need a chump talkin that junk in pajamas!
Dome: up till now I really dislike the re-usage of phrases from the previous records, Fred. nice guitar work
Li: That's cool dude, it's meta. i hope this aint the real chorus though...
Dome: I like Wes. does he have a facebook page?
Li: Dunno, we shd investigate. verse sounds a bit empty, maybe it's me. bad muthafucka..screw ya!
Dome: it sounds like typiczkit
Li: yeah. that's good, in a way, but the chorus is... how can I put it... simple.
Dome: yeah. what is this?
Li: I think I mistook this track for something else freddie gave us a glimpse of a year ago. wtf! wtf!
Dome: who is this?
Li: hahahah... weird azz break!
Dome: is this FRed?
Li: but I kinda liked it. It - was -old -skoool
Dome: sitll living where the donkey's at?
Li: wes sure was bored when he wrote the hook
Dome: I think I misheard
Li: alright, that wasn't great. on to track 5!
Dome: shut it down, Fred
05. GET A LIFE (listen to it here)
Li: hippa to da hoppa. haha, my alias, polar bear? that rocks. i like it so far.
Dome: bass is rumbling, biotch
Li: yeah. nice guit stabs. how do you rhyme serious with siberia? haha... now he rhymed tank with think! freddie takin chances there
Li: CHORUS! FUCK YEAH
Dome: thats' right Fred
Li: Best thing on the album yet
Dome: SCREAM YO' ASS OFF !!!
Li: fuck yeah
Dome: work for that dollar
Li: that's what i'm here for! limos make'm carsick
Dome: lemme feel some emotion, Fred
Li: just a crackalackin mofo! he lackin' crackers.
Dome: re-cycling lyrics is not sexy! aaaargh
Li: I wanna mosh to this so bad! with a knife in each hand and a helmet.oh no!
Dome: It's like the chorus is almost alive... what is this?
Li: don't whine on the bridgeeee, nooo
Dome: well, it's better than the previous whining
Li: this is for toning down the kids in the pits. nice scale, wes!
Dome: this part sounds like the apex theory. what is this?
Li: second weird azz rapped bridge. BRING IT AWWWN!
Dome: well, the chorus worked the first 2 times
Li: i just wanna smash my second monitor to this! (yeah bitch i'm rockin that dual shit)
Dome: third should've been sexier
Li: haha great outro. PRAVDA! oh man russian fans must be in heaven now
Dome: the devil wears pravda
Li: this sounds like a skit offa S.O. haha, yeah. alrightey, track 6!
Dome: ok, next
06. SHOTGUN (listen to it here)
Li: I have a gut feeling this ll rock.
Dome: guitars. bass.
Li: cuz, uh, we know this from before, too
Dome: ...drums. yeah. good so far. well ...and then came fred.
Li: it's a fucking good song, i've spinned it a few times. u a hater! listen to that verse theme
Dome: hey, nice music. yeah. but Fred....
Li: feels good, man
Dome: he don't do it. he not sexy. i need sexy. where is sexy? no sexy.
Li: you just hatin'.
Dome: fred no sexy
Li: listen to that chorus!
Dome: everybody jumps from the sound of the shotgun
Li: man, I wanna pogo pogo pogo til the break of dawn to this. nigga, I would!
Dome: yeah, Fred but it's not a sexy shotgun.
Li: I'd jump my ass in the sewer and cover myself in rats just to make sure. it'a a phallic reference, obviously.
freddie got bitches jumpin to the sound of his shotgun
Dome: u dig the rhymes? juts axing.
Li: well... he is white...
Dome: he is.
Li: and obviously a big fan of olskool hip hop
Dome: nice band work, though
Li: gotta respect that
Li: this song's real dope. voice and all. can't hate.
Dome: I am not hating
Li: I'll have to listen to the lyrics a bit more to express an opinion on what the hell he's on about
Dome: guitar soloooooo
Dome: yeah Wes. I like Wes
Li: so far, two really good tracks and two mehs.
Dome: nice shotgun beat. I appreciate.
Li: next up:
07. DOUCHEBAG (listen to it here)
Dome: 7 is my lucky number
Li: mine too!
Dome: is it yours, Fred ? well, the instrumental is killing
Li: mash op di dancefloor! yeah! thats what im talkin bout! man, i like it. its 90s crossover no bullshit... up until that prechorus hit that is
Dome: well, nice guitar work. nice chorus...
Li: fuck you, fuck you fuck you up!!!
Dome: keeping it simple
Li: who can't relate to that
Dome: I appreciate that. and nice breakdown
Li: he does sound 14
Dome: sounded like real music.prechorus is less whiny than others.and I dig the guitar
Li: hell, at least it still rocks and I can jump around to it
Li: guitar sounds like a horse on the chorus a li'l.
Dome: yeeee exactly.
Li: what's that sound the horsies do? how do you call that? snivelin'?
Dome: I like this part. almost odd meter. man, that bass growls like a mofo
Li: I am that bag that you paid? Im sure I didnt hear that right. DOIȘPEEE!!!
Dome: hats off to Sam, Otto and Wes
Li: maybe not in headphones, but I bet it pumps you up in the pit
Dome: jazz it up !!
Li: haha great outro, yeah
Li: song 8,
08. WALKING AWAY (listen to it here)
Li: we also know this one
Dome: sounds like a ballad title.we do?
Li: ...and lemme add I think it's one of the most beautiful bizkit soft songs ever written. I love it.
Dome: oh, god. I mean, oh good
Li: it was released some time ago... months. I like the lil countdown
Dome: ok, Fred is a good mc. and let me stop there.
Li: dude, I like his singin' too
Dome: don't hate the hater hate the game..or something like that
Li: it's "don't hate the player, hate the gay" or something like that. this is a great song.
Dome: keep it PC. personal and computerized
Li: let the record show I think gay people are FABULOUS!
Dome: well, it does have a mood to it, which I appreciate ina song
Li: I may be biased but so far it's a good effort. I mean the album. lyrics were heaps better on the previous ones
Dome: well, I give props when props are due.
Li:... but then again, when you're surviving in the moshpit who gives a shit
Li: listen to that solo
Dome: and let me state that the bizkit have a killer live show, whether you're a fan or not
Li: True. I never kicked and punch so many people at one time in my entire life. or had my ass handed to me like to a bizkit tune . And let's use the opportunity to plug Wes' great band called Black Light Burns, in case you haven't checked them out, do yourself a favor
Dome: well, I like when Fred screams from the top of his lungs. feels like he's actually into it
Li: And we're on to track 9
09. LOSER (listen to it here)
Dome: 9 it is
Li: feels short, this album, doesnt it
Dome: this sounds familiar
Li: 3/4. i like it! i like it ! i licketylike it
Dome: sounds like something off of chocolate starfish, but happier
Li: it sounds fresh n creative
Dome: iz happy song, sorta
Li: i'm waltzin in my chair..GRWWOOOO GRWOOOOo. he just wants to be ok, there aint nuffin wrong wit dat! ... losin' my life away - i'll hold on to that for future use!
Dome: well if that was the chorus it wasn't adding much to the climax
Li: did he just say everybody goes thru a bra?
Dome: i think so
Li: i hope he meant unhinging one, not wearing
Dome: i never went through a bra, though
Li: maybe he meant bro, but that's just racist
Dome: a bar, maybe?
Li: dyslexic freddy strikes again
Li: oh shit wtf lol
Dome: guitar solooo
Li: what is this?! hahah, sounds like merry-go-round music
Dome: it's like the third solo on the record
Li: hey, i kinda like this novelty azz song
Dome: it's kinda fun, I guess
Li: but they did write much catchier songs before
Dome: but the chorus doesn't do it for me
Li: it's like their second first album, but i"m digging the no bullshit approach to the production
Dome: that was funny
Li: haha. it is
Dome: autotune it Fred. it's more fun
Li: and we segue into...
10. AUTOTUNAGE (10)
Li: listen to that fucking riff
Dome: autotunage. nice beat
Li: this put the hairs on my arms in standin' attention mode. oh shit!
Dome: heavy guitars, oh yeah! Wes, do it, dooo it! riff that mutha!
Li: elephants rockin ak 47s comin for dat azz!
Dome: ok, this is weirding me out. nice instrumental, I get that it's a joke... but come on!
Li: dude, if you imagine better lyrics over this...! subject matter could use some..uhm... throwin away? i love this chorus.
Dome: heavy guitars, Fred, shut the fuck up.
Li: weird to tell em to smile to this mufucking ridiculous riff. man id still bounce to this
Dome: dude, srsly, I'd buy an instrumental version of this record. and you know I actually buy records
Li: hey, the recipe still works, fred just thought he'd go more basic cuz 00s kids are obviously dumber than us 90s kids
Li: yes, you are that naive, i'll give you that domestos
Dome: call me naive, call me what you will, but I respect musicians, and Fred too, sometimes
Li: hey, he keepin it positive! he wants to see some smiles
Li: i like the tongue in cheek autotunage. shoulda put more on tho
Dome: good for you. more tongue !!! and btw, where the fuck is the cowbell? that is what this album lacks
Li: dude, it's party music after all... can't really knock it till you hear it live
Dome: yeah, true
Li: aight we're on to number 11
Dome: hands down
11. 90 2. 10 (listen to it here)
Dome: bizkits rule live
Li: oh snap!
Dome: heavy metal !!!
Li: listen to that.
Dome: it's like slayer
Li: thats for all the fucking metalhead haters, dieeee hataz
Dome: but then again, it's not
Li: is that a cat in my right headphone? MEAOW.
Dome: kitty trapped in headphones
Li: it's like really bored cat forced to meow.
Li: Sounds a li'l just like every other song, doesn't it?
Li: raekwon is on the mic! did he just say corey taylor?
Dome: a bit more diversified on the chord progression part, but maybe that wasn't the problem
Li: im wondering, are frat kids partying to bizkit over in the states?
Dome: I have a problem with the bridges on this album. they should be burnt.
Li: but...GIRLS LOOK SO GOOD! aw-hawww! you can't argue with that, dude. I really was hoping for some actual social-oriented lyrics, just a liiiittle teensy weensy bit.I want something to be mad about when i'm moshing, man!
Dome: well, I was hoping for lyrics, period.
Li: yeah, that too!
Dome: this sounds nice, what is this?
Li: oh yeah.
Dome: it's nice
Li: maybe freddy should put out a straight hip hop album and just sing to the other songs. i think it'd be an improvement. sing, not whinge.
Li: and here comes my fave track off the album, apparently...
12. WHY TRY (listen to it here)
Dome: nice, heavy guitars
Li: and this one will rock you off your chair and out your underwear. chorus rips ribcages and yanks hearts out too
Dome: good, busy verse. sounds a bit like RATM. the prechorus rocks
Li: THE ALIGATOR GRIP GONNA TURN YOU TO TOAST!!!! FANGS OF THE GOLD COBRA, ENGAGE!!!! I want to kill our project manager to this! just kiddin sanyi, you'z a great dude.
Dome: the tune has a nice groove to it. it's like a train.Dome: it don't stop
Li: and unless the last song changes it, this remains the best song on the cd in my humble opinion
Dome: it's like an anthem for the inevitabilty of death. oh, I like the bridge! first tune with a great bridge
Li: and we're sadly at nr 13
13. KILLER IN YOU (listen to it here)
Dome: and I appreciate the fact that it's short. 13. Wes. WEEEEES
Li: I like it but it feels like the vox drown out the guitars... and everything else. nice oldskool beat.
Dome: and that burpy, growly warwick streamer stage 1
Li: this rocks!!! man, this really rocks
Dome: not that bad. let's see where they take it
Li: it's been a flawed album but still heaps better than everything they put out since 2k1
Dome: I like the guitar works and the bass burps
Li: i was hoping for more catchiness but classic raprock is way better than pop. chorus really got me hooked. voice, rhythm section and guitars sync perfectly
Dome: and the slap delay on the vox is nice
Li: lay a mufucker on the curb!
Dome: nice guitars !!! I like these types of riffraffs
Li: wes still got it
Dome: fo' sho'
Li: YEAH!!!!: kill that mufucka!
Dome: yeeea... which mufucka?
Li: whicheva! freddie aint fuckin around with no subtle shit no mo kids.
Li: aaaand we exit this mufucka olskool style
Dome: yeah. no long outro, thank god
Li: so, let's jump to conclusions
Li: hey, I liked it. I expected way more catchiness and hits, but oldskool raprock bragadoccio works for me
Dome: well, I listened to it.
Li: Lyrics, I give a 6/10 domestos?
Dome: lyrics, 4/10 because of constant reusage and lack of content
Li: there were funny bits and freddy sure talked a lot and we couldnt pay attention to every lil thing he says; but yeah, lack of content, thats i think what bothered me most. i mean egging people on to start riots and party is nice, but gimme something to give a fuck about, fred! music - 9/10, cuz it was pretty much flawless, if repetitive here and there
Dome: yeah, the music is tight - props to the band, a solid 8 from my part
Li: not very catchy but then again I can actually appreciate that when it comes to Bizkit. so, 6 plus 4 plus 9 plus 8 divided by 4 makes a... ??
Li: 6.75 according to windows calculator. which is unfair, really, cuz it's a solid album. I'd give it an 8.5 overall. and thats just cause freddy didnt do his homework
Dome: in conclusion, a pretty solid raprock record/comeback with nasty ass lyrics, lack of content and whiny vocals. and i mean that with the utmost lack of disrespect for Fred. he cool. he knows his thangs.
Li: yep. something to listen to in your car when you're mowing down pedestrians. just don't direct no movies no more, fred, cause longshots made me want to put my head in the oven
Dome: but, I cannot reiterate enough - the bizkits should be seen live.
Dome: that's where they shine. that's where the lack of content fades away.
Li: anything you'd like to plug, since no one will read this crap anyway?
Dome: yeah. as you guyz know, I have some music of my own that nobody listens to so I thought it would be nice if more people didn't listen to it. Absurdcus - Raya
Li: I'd just like to add I still don't like APC but the Renholder remixes are pure fucking genius and I wholeheartedly recommend them.
Dome: props to Danny Lohner
Li: And you can check out my Fragile Bird (City and Colour) remix, and two of my Alicia Keys remixes - Fallin' and Butterflyz.
Dome: are we done?
Li: We done. Toodles! until next time, Dome and Li, signing off
Li: still limpin with the bizkit!
Dome: bizking with the dumplings, yo.
BONUS: The Gold Cobra vid, yo. Rockin and smashin. Ch-ch-chhhhuuuch!